The Rides


What did you think this page meant? Were you just curious?

You’re sick, and you are very welcome here.

Now that you’ve likely checked out SYNOPSIS (that means about)….

Wait, wait wait. If you haven’t checked that part out, it’s best you take a sprint or possibly a gallop over there to read the warning labels and side effects. I don’t want to be responsible for allergic reactions or drug interactions.

No wait, I want to be responsible for that last part.

Now fly, my pretties, and catch up!

If you’re still here you’ve already read that part and now we can talk shit about the others who are behind….Did you see what he was wearing?

Oh hi!

Glad to have you back! If you made it back here, I expect everything is copacetic, and that if you don’t know what that means, you have a dictionary nearby to look that word up, as I suggested to you in the synopsis… which means “about”.

Over there, all of the main menu items are described to you in detail, so you know where to find recipes (savories), and you know where to find photos (snapshots), etc. etc. This is old news.

What this page is, is the sub-menu at the top of the left column, and I’d like to take a quick minute to describe these to you so that I can stop writing about them every time I post something new over there. So actually, it would appear this post is actually all for me. Me, me, me.

  • TUESDAY: PICTURE POLL! I think Tuesday gets kind of crappy deal. I mean, everyone hates Monday, as it signifies the beginning of the work week. Wednesday is called Humpday, as it signifies that at the end of the day, you’re over the work week hump. Thursday is the day before Friday so everyone kind of likes Thursday, and Friday is paaaaaar-tay as it starts the weekend. Unless of course, you’re unemployed in which case, weekends are meaningless.

Every Tuesday, I will post three photos that I have taken for you to vote on. What you are voting on, is which photo you want me to write a “smoke-long” for. Smoke-Long is another name for Flash Fiction. You can vote however your gut tells you. You can vote for the photo because it appeals to your senses, or because you want to hear what kind of warped story my brain and the voices who roam free in here tell me to write. Whatever you do, just make sure you fill in the poll at the bottom of the post. If you don’t, I can’t protect you from both of your ears likely falling off. I’m sorry, but I don’t make the rules.

Just kidding, hahahaha. Yes I do.

  • SATURDAY: HOLY HAIKUS, HE-MAN! – Every Saturday, you will receive a haiku of something very relevant to me at the moment or for that week.  In Japanese, a haiku is a poem that follows a simple, 5-7-5 syllable rule to correspond to each line.

As I have a very interesting job that takes me all over the place and I’m constantly surrounded by new, usually strange people, the haikus are usually work related. Here, you can read about nipples and hot dogs, for example.

I’ve said too much.

I feel like some of you may be a bit inebriated and need this explained. Those of you who don’t may skip to the end where there’s coffee, orange drink and cookies are being served.

**Ummm, sidebar… Does any one else remember that orange drink served at after hour’s school events like plays and chorus gigs? What the hell was that shit? Did they think that washed down those cookies well? No really. What was that stuff?**

So here is where you will find the story of the winning photograph from the picture poll that you no doubt participated in, and therefore still are the proud owner of ears.

So in closing…

Tuesday, Vote or your ears fall off. Saturday, get your haiku fix and as a result, seem more cultured. Chicks and rich dudes dig culture. And scars. So you should probably do something badass, or become friends with a special effects make-up artist. Sunday, read a story that you possibly voted on, or read it out of spite for your photo not winning. That will show them. That will show EVERYONE.

19 responses to “The Rides

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  2. I love your writing style and humour – you seem to write as fragmented (not a criticism) as I think.

    • I am super flattered, Chris and really happy that you read it how it’s meant to be read :-D. But I can’t take all of the credit. The unicorn and the voices tell me to write most of it. If you also think in a fragmented form (not taken as criticism at all by the way… I was just going to say that I also….) then maybe you also converse with the unicorn? If so, tell him he still owes me 10 EUROS.

      • Dude… not cool. He promised me he would remember. We were at an illegal poker game last week and I spotted him 40, so we were even and I was up. Just when you think you can trust unicorns…. pfffff.

      • You know how he gets at those illegal poker games. He was annihilated. He promised he’d give me a ride home, but he was staggering all over the place, I didn’t dare jump on. I want to be mad, but he’s hilarious when he’s drunk. It’s cool… I mean..what’s 10 EUROS between unicorn friends?

  3. Awwww, shucks! I’m just happy that you’re reading it the way I mean it to be read. I did college radio for four years and have been told time and again that I need to broadcast again. I was contemplating a podcast, but that would require me understanding what a podcast is and how to do it and being all technical and shit, and honestly, I don’t have time for those kinds of things. Not when my favorite activity, sleeping, consumes 16 hours of my day. As long as there are people reading it like I would say it, and also in my voice, then I’m a happy camper. I hate camping btw.

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