The night had started innocently enough. They had planned on just simply finishing off the bottle of white wine left on the table by their landlord. I mean, it wasn’t their fault that she had left them alone, sitting in the kitchen without putting the wine away while she went who knows where for who knows how long? Sometimes she was gone for days. The way they saw it, they would be fools not to.
Steve” Moomin” Mooming was kind of the unspoken leader of the guys. His piercing blue eyes and creepy pale complexion made him a natural. Then there was Jerry “Moose” Collington. Almost awkward in proportions, his tall skinny physique came in handy when the gang needed to climb back home after a night out exploring. The third member of the gang was Mike “Shorty” Short. Predestined with the surname Short, it was inevitable that the nickname “Shorty” would be bestowed upon him, regardless of his size. It just so happened though, that he actually was on the smaller size, and by far, the runt of this litter of misfits, so the nickname was more that suiting.
It wasn’t often that they ended up together at the end of the work day. Each had separate corners where they worked. Their job was mostly to sit still, almost inanimate, and look cute all day. It was an easy gig for the most part, but if one of them had an itch, they had to time the scratch perfectly, as not to be seen by passersby. This would ruin the azoic illusion of being stuffed. No matter how hungover they were (and this gang could seriously party), this was their job. They were born into this field like their fathers before them. Not everyone could handle the pressure, which is why, at the end of the work day, they liked to unwind. Their idea of unwinding, however, was to stretch their legs. If your job were to sit still all day and well into the late hours of the evening, the last thing you would want to do is sit around and enjoy the silence. Not when there was always, ALWAYS a bunch of leftover booze lying around, ready for you to consume.
“Holy shit, that was a long one today. When did we start? 6 this morning? It’s freaking 2am, already! I didn’t think I was gonna make it,” Mike said after making his way over to the kitchen sink for a piss.
“Yeah tell me about it,” Moose, who was already there relieving himself replied. His height gave him the advantage of always getting everywhere first.
“Did you see that she left the wine on the table?” Shorty said, pointing it out and looking up and down the label like he knew what he was reading, “Says here, it’s ‘bold and buttery, crisp and zesty, sweet and fruity’.”
Moose jumped away from the sink and started his way over to the table.
“That’s all I needed to hear. Get me a straw.”
“I’m kind of tired you guys…it’s been a long day and I think I heard E say she would be back in here again at 6am for 6:30am breakfast for the gig tomorrow. That means not a lot of sleep AND another long gig day. What do you say we just finish this off and call it a night, eh, boys?” Moomin, as usual, tried to be the voice of reason, even though he himself, wouldn’t have minded just going on a full on bender.
Moose, now eying the bottle as if he also had a clue as to what he was reading,”Yeah, alright Moomin. You’re right. I’m pretty beat too. Says here this wine is from 2008. Do you think it’s still good?”
“Only one way to find out,” Shorty appeared behind Moose with 3 straws.
They tucked in, and finished the bottle within seconds, all slurping trying to get the last bit from the bottom.
“Hmmm..wasn’t as much as I thought,” Shorty said looking at the bottle, “I think I heard her say there was some Grey Goose in the fridge. Maybe we should….”
“Way ahead of you.” Moomin was already at the fridge trying to peer inside. “Hey Moose, come over here and give me a hand. I can’t really see.”
With a boost, Moomin grabbed the bottle of ice-cold vodka from the fridge and proceeded to pour shots for himself and the boys. They drank for the next 3 hours, bullshitting about their day and making fun of E.
“Did you hear her fart today when she came back here so the guys in the office wouldn’t hear her? Holy shit I thought I was gonna lose it,” Moose said and immediately busted into insane laughter to the point of tears. The other guys were rolling around on the floor also in stitches.
“Ahhhhahahha…. good stuff, ” Moomin started when they were finally able to get it together after a 16 minute long laughing fit. “Hey, are you guys hungry? I think I saw a leftover bag of chips E brought in here after she cleaned out the dressing rooms.”
“I thought you’d never ask, ” Shorty said, holding his stomach from having laughed so hard.
Once they got to the table, they saw something hidden behind the chips. Moomin grabbed the items and handed one each to his boys, his excitement for what was about to happen, overwhelming. They were in hysterics laughing at each other.
Moose was looking at the other guys, “Ahahahhaha! Hey! Let’s run around naked with these on!”
“Oh, that is definitely happening,” Moomin said as he started stripping.
Shorty was having difficulty getting his hoodie over his head, and just then, he heard Moomin yell out.
“Holy shit you guys!! Someone is coming!”
When I got to work, this is what I found.
** This was the winner of this week’s Tuesday: Picture Poll!
It also happens to be the first installment of my Smoke-Long Stories of the Picture Poll and my first attempt at Flash Fiction, which is meant to be under 1000 words and I clocked in with this one at 960.
If any of this is not making sense, please click over to this short post explaining everything.
And now…the real deal:
The photo was taken at one of the local venues that I work at when i’m not on tour. All of these stuffed animals were left behind in the dressing room at a Selena Gomez show (it’s ok if you need to look her up..I did), and I couldn’t bear to throw them out. Not quite sure where the boob glasses came from (I just found them on a shelf in the kitchen), but after an exceptionally long day, this was how I amused myself.
Also, for my American friends who may not know who Moomin is, check here.