I’m not NOT quitting.

Quitter

Today’s Daily Prompt came at the most ideal time, despite the fact that its title of “Happy Endings” may be misleading to some people. Yeah, you know who I’m talking about, and yes, that’s right. It’s me.

We are asked to write about something we have tried to quit and to tell how we went about it.

I’d like to to take this opportunity to preface this post with this.

I am no quitter.

This is my mantra.

Well that, and

accept the crazy

So while reading this, I want you to keep that in mind.

As explained in a previous post prompted by the Daily Folks, I am currently working on not indulging in the sweet, sweet, poison sticks.

I love smoking. I mean, I LOVE smoking. No one starts out loving smoking. We force ourselves to like it, likely because, well let’s be honest, it’s cool when we start. That is honestly the one and only reason to start smoking. Because you think it’s cool. Why we continue to do it even when we don’t like it at first, is commitment to the cause. We are determined to pick up this habit despite how much we hate it so that we’ll be cool. Indulge me with another reason if you have it, besides a prison or legit death sentence.

After those first three years of hating smoking and forcing myself to do it so that I could show everyone outside of the mall that I hung out at how cool I was (I think I made my point), I started to actually like it. 24 years later, here we are. It became something I could rely on to suppress my hunger, reward myself for an email that I sent, or help me talk on the phone to a friend, as the very thought of NOT smoking while talking on the phone to a friend was ludicrous and anything suggesting otherwise, was punishable by a new definition of pain and suffering as you were slowly digested over the course of a thousand years in the Pit of Sarlacc.

sarlacc

In 5 hours, I will have officially not smoked a cigarette in 6 weeks. Oh don’t worry, I’m still a smoker. I’m just currently not smoking. I explained the reasons for this sudden decrease in habit partaking in aforementioned link and post about stopping. It definitely wasn’t anything planned. It just kind of happened. I still have 8 packs here of a full carton of smokes that I bought duty-free on the ferry between Finland and Sweden just before I got the Tour A.I.D.S (please, please refer to the link before you send me angry posts or mails or your head explodes with confusion).

Quitting was never planned because as I mentioned, I’m not a quitter.

During this journey of not quitting, I have never felt more unhealthy in my entire life.

Just the other day during a high cardio training session with Stabby and Indigo (my dagger and rapier sword), I said to my fencing instructor, “I can’t wait to feel as good as when I was a full-time smoker.”

Ever since I’ve currently stopped indulgence in the sweet, sweet poison sticks, I have consistently felt out of breath, congested and like I have a full-blown cold every 4 days, like clockwork. Today is one of those days. I’ve just gone through my second full box of tissues after feeling just dandy 6 hours ago and tomorrow, I will likely feel totally fine.

It blows.

I didn’t stop because of the health risks. Hell, everything causes heart disease and cancer, ADD, tennis elbow and nearsightedness these days. Life is about living, and I like smoking.

But in 4 hours and 46 minutes, it will be 6 weeks since I’ve had one.

I went cold turkey. No nicotine or tobacco aids. I have a full pack of smokes on my person at all times so that I know that I am in control.

See, here’s how I see it.

As we’ve established, I am no quitter. I don’t like giving up on things. I like to see things through to the end.

So I will never quit smoking.

However, now that I’ve gone what is soon to be 6 weeks without smoking, I don’t want to give up on this either. It will feel like all of this health suffering is in vain, and I don’t want to give up yet until I see how this whole currently not smoking thing pans out.

Yes folks, I am a masochist. But somehow, you already knew that. I love life and loving things that I love to do in life.

So, I will not quit smoking, but I will also not quit not smoking.

Because I’m no quitter.

I’m 110% sure my theory is exactly what this quote is about and nothing more.

quitters

There is no other way that this can be interpreted. So if you want to be a winner, never quit anything.

With that said, I’ll now be off to have a few chocolate whiskey cocktails, and shop while not not quitting smoking.

Because I’m a winner.

Also, in case you somehow missed this week’s haiku, here it is.

And finally, don’t forget to vote on this week’s picture poll so I can spend my day tomorrow torturing myself with coming up with a story to appease you, my faithful readers.

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43 responses to “I’m not NOT quitting.

  1. Ok….now is this where I say congrats on not being a quitter? Because I would rather say congrats on making good choices, rather than *quitting*. You are choosing not to smoke, and that is good. Life is full of choices. Never quit making choices.

    • Yes! You totally get it. I’ll never quit anything and that includes finding discounted art supplies for you because I will never quit shopping or looking for deals.

      • I was working at a flea market today and saw a bunch of “cheap according to Swedish prices” pastel water color and chalk sets. I thought about you and your search. Maybe check local second hand markets. Often times they are selling new cheap art sets there, never touched.
        Come on karma…gimme some!

      • I am beyond touched that you thought of me.I bestow untold karma fortune upon your kindly soul! I have, in my time, found a few treasure of this nature in charity shops (thrift stores?) but they are few and far between. Usually the possessions of the dearly departed, sadly. I must say, I adore flea markets and their ilk. Many a happy hour (day even?) has been spent at one. *sigh*

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    • You can, but you have to be ready. Don’t bother until you’re ready. I didn’t know I ws ready. I didn’t think about it or plan it. I just did it. Because I guess I was ready.

      • Yeah, that’s kinda my logic too, if you’re ready you can quit “cold turkey”. It’s mostly in your head. Sadly, I think I will have to be ready sooner or later.

      • Well, you’ll know when. You can’t force it. It never works. Plus as I said, I loooove smoking. Even now, when someone is walking in front of me and lights up, I follow them even if it’s out of my way just for a hint of that sweet poison.

        Love it.
        I actually can recommend the book ‘The Easy Way to Quit Smoking’ when you are ready. No bullshit. No self-help crap, no condescending. Just makes you think a bit before lighting up. Then encourages you to light up. I read the first 70 pages and left it on a plane, but I remember it making an impact and it helps me to think about that now.

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  12. So you’re not ‘quitting smoking’, you’re ‘starting not smoking’. Hey, whatever works! Good luck. I can’t tell you what happens when you quit, because I don’t remember.

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