B is for “Bees” which I have an irrational fear of.

For the record, today’s post for the A-Z Challenge in honor of the letter ” B” was going to be about bicycles. It was going to be about my sweet new bike that I was going to get and how I’ve been obsessing over getting a bicycle for the past few weeks and researching, and dreaming of the perfect bike….

peewee

Seriously…there is none better, and also, did you expect anything OTHER than Pee-Wee’s bike?

I was going to make a clever statement about how I haven’t ridden a bike in 10 years but I hear it’s just like riding a bike….

 

 

It was to be a glorious post about my new bike.

But alas, I didn’t get a new bike (for myself) today. It wasn’t the droids I was looking for. I mean it wasn’t the bike I was looking for.

What I did see, which reminded me of what is just around the corner, was a big fat, low flying, likely drunk, bumblebee.

bumb

No, it was WAAAY scarier than whatever the hell THAT is. Although that IS disturbing.

No folks, I mean a real bumblebee. The ones that fly with no rhyme or reason and you’re 100% sure they’re going to crash into you.

It’s like that awkward moment when you and a fellow human are about to walk into each other and one of you goes towards the right while the other person goes to their left (your right), and so on for two or three rounds of uncomfortable until one of you understands that someone needs to stand still for the other person to make a move so that you can actually break free of what turns into a full 10 seconds of pure awkwardness.

Only the bumblebee NEVER FEELS AWKWARD and continues until it’s chased you into the street with its inability to heed to your next move and you’re backed into oncoming traffic and hit by a semi-truck and the bumblebee steals your identity and starts sleeping with your wife and/or husband and decides to paint your car yellow. It won’t matter though. Because you’ll be dead.

I’m aware this is NOT a real bumblebee but rather a cat in a bumblebee outfit. I’m not an idiot. I was trying to lighten the mood after that extremely likely event that I just described.

Such is the way of the bumblebee.

It’s the sign that marks the beginning of spring and bee season. The time of year, in Stockholm, where we put away the winter coat and winter boots and take out the just less than winter coat and only partially fur-lined boots. It’s a time when it might be below zero (celsius) and 2 hours later, be a balmy 10 degrees (celsius), followed by a snow flurry, and then back up to 18 (celsius).

This is a high anxiety time of the year for me, because….

I have an irrational, and near paralyzing, ridiculous fear of bees.

Except for the paralyzing part.

If I so much as HEAR the slightest buzz, you’re in for a treat. I have over sensitive hearing, and even if it’s the tiny humming buzz of a mosquito, it is ON.

I’m not entirely sure where this deep seeded full on panic attack from a small black and yellow insect comes from…oh and by the way, it’s best to mention now that be it a bumblebee, a wasp, a hornet, a honey bee, or…I’ll be honest now, any flying insect in general up to and including flies, butterflies and moths, they all end in the same result. Me dropping absolutely everything, and running away like a complete moron.

There is no avoiding this.

It will happen every year..until they hibernate or fly south or whatever the hell they do for, what is luckily, a long winter.

And yes, I get it, we need bees and flies and blah blah blah for the environment.

I’m not saying kill them.

I’m saying, “Oi! You. Yeah you there.. flying insects…YES, all of you, even the butterflies. Yeah, it’d be great if you could not fly all up in my grill, mmmmkay? You go ahead and do your thing, and I’ll do mine. Let’s just coexist without you insisting on flying in my face or past my ear, or, my personal favorite, chasing me as I run away from you in what is surely nothing less than a mocking fashion. There’s enough space for both of us. So come on, brah.” (I imagine they’re all cool with being called, brah.)

For the record, it’s basically all bugs and insects. Spiders, worms, grasshoppers, those stick bugs, beetles… ALL OF THEM.

And so it begins…the season of terror.

B is for Bees. 

Anyone else here relating? 

Advertisements

13 responses to “B is for “Bees” which I have an irrational fear of.

  1. I’ve had my fair share of embarrassing bee stories. I am terrified of them as well, and I agree with you; it is ENTIRELY irrational. I remember on my honeymoon we got a nice long massage at a Hot Springs resort, and as we were walking out to the car we talked about how relaxed we were, how loose our muscles felt. I climbed in my seat and shut the door only to hear a bee go buzzing right past my ear. I WAS TRAPPED IN A CAR WITH A BEE! I immediately threw myself in the opposite direction of the bee, which happened to be over the arm rest and into the driver’s seat. I frantically clawed behind me for the door handle without ever taking my eye of the bee buzzing around where my head had been instant before. After what seemed like an hour of terror (most likely 2.5 seconds) I managed to get the door open and pour myself outta the car. Needless to say, I was no longer relaxed, and I didn’t get back in the car till my husband made sure it was clear. Twice (or possibly eight times).

    • Hahahaha…. Been there. Last summer, there was a bee in the apartment. It got in at night, and flew directly under the lamp shade of one of the lamps in the living room. I could hear it buzzing, which got louder when it hit the side of the lampshade and see its shadow illuminated to 100x its actual size on the wall. I actually threw up from fear. I managed to nearly escape and locked myself in the bedroom for the night, when I realized I had to pee. Lucky for me, I had all of my fencing gear with me in the safe room. I quite literally, put on my fencing mask, grabbed the biggest book I could find, and carefully made my way for the bathroom in a stealth like manner as not to attract the attention of the monster. I made it back to the bedroom safe. When I woke up, the bee was gone.

    • My pleasure. And hey, if you ever need to feel less neurotic about other fears like being burned alive or drowning, I’m your girl.

      And thank you for your email over the concern of my well being… I got all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that people were worried 😀

      • 🙂 glad to see you back. I’m travelling so less online than usual for Apr but will take a wander over here every now and then.

    • Yes, but I have the crazy, irrational fear. I think because most of my family are allergic to bees. I’ve never been stung (knock wood) due to my fail safe technique of running away like a screaming maniac with arms flailing in full on self-defense mode, but I am very scared that I will also be allergic and die..which would put a damper in my living plans, so I’m trying to avoid that.

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

Spill your guts here:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s