C is for “Crap”, and D is for “D’oh!”

Crap, and D’oh! These are not the two words I had planned to write about but I swear, I was nowhere near my computer….

I promise I have a perfectly valid excuse for missing the last two days of the A-Z Challenge.

Thursday, the Metal All-Stars came to town. I don’t want to go into detail, but I feel like there has not yet been a word invented to describe the atrocity that I witnessed on stage that evening.

It was not good.

But I went early to meet a friend on the tour, and ended up being drafted to help out a bit on scene, even though it wasn’t one of our shows. It was at a venue that I work at a lot and happened to have access to the key to our storage room, and got the touring party some things that they needed to make their day here a little bit more pleasant. I absolutely did not have to do this but I understand what it’s like to be on the road, and sometimes it’s the little things that make the difference, and when they do, sometimes those people remember the little people (referring to my height). So hey, why not.

It’s because of this that I was not able to go back home and work on my “C” blog for the A-Z Challenge, that I had planned out earlier that morning. I didn’t have a full battery on my phone when I left the house, as I planned on being able to stop back home before the gig that night. As I’m right in the middle of 7 different work projects that require no less than 8 hours a day spent keeping a close eye on my emails, I needed to reserve my phone battery power for that. Also, all the good stuff for the blog was on the desk top of my amazing Apple piece of machinery, my Macbook Pro, at home.

Anyhoo….

I’ll not drag this out any further. Long story short, afterwards, I went out where alcohol awaited and spent all day yesterday in and out of a hangover coma, unable to focus on anything more than the immediate business that needed to be taken care of.

So in closing, Crap, and D’oh!

So to make up for it, I will now give you the REAL “C” and “D” topics.



C is for “‘The C Is For’ Page That I Googled”

While searching for a good topic for the letter “C”, I actually google searched “C is for” and came across a gem of a website. It’s called Enchanted Learning and I was amazed at the graphics and what was being taught to, what I can only assume is, the 5 and under target audience.

My favorite page was actually the “Co” page, where they focused on words that begin with “co”, so it’s not just a clever name.

Screen Shot 2014-04-03 at 11.42.03

First of all, how about that stellar graphic of a cobra. I almost shit my pants from the threatening, life-like image produced here.

Secondly, why the hell is a coati mentioned here? Surely there are much easier and practical words to introduce small children to. And a coelacanth? Huh? And it’s pronounced SEE-la-canth? Seriously, I’m very glad they put the phonetic pronunciation there as not only have I never heard of this primitive fish before, but there’s also no way I would have guessed that this is how you would pronounce it. Just looks like a sea bass to me (pronounced sea bass).

Screen Shot 2014-04-03 at 11.42.42

 

Is this the best way to describe the function of the colon to a child? And is it just me and my overactive imagination that produces images of cannibalism of “the partly digested (humans) into the body”? Is this “Enchanted Learning” for Zombies? Also, do you think I should talk to someone about the fact that my brain went directly to cannibalism? And finally, that illustration looks more like a thought bubble.

A_zombie_boy_with_a_thought_bubble_111024-210493-297009

 

Next, we have some more practical words that every 3 year old should have in their word bank.

Screen Shot 2014-04-03 at 11.43.17

 

Compost? And how about that description… again, brain goes right to dead bodies. Why is this word here? And why is THAT the definition used to describe it? This actually looks like a steaming pile of “crap” to me

Compsowhatchyoutalkinabout? On another note, I DO hope that’s the actual size of that dinosaur.

There’s nothing wrong with getting a head start on teaching kids what a compound word is, but I would have liked a sweet graphic of a butterfly eating someone in a raincoat.

Screen Shot 2014-04-03 at 11.45.37

Clearly this person is gleaming with courage. Look at the confidence emanating from him. I mean, you have to have courage to leave the house in that outfit.

Again, where are they coming up with these animals? What happened to the good old reliables from my days like cat, dog, elephant, and gerenuk.

Gerenuk-1002

Oh, Hi!

Next on the list is:

Screen Shot 2014-04-03 at 11.43.47

 

What if you are not using a computer right now? What if you’re looking at this on a tablet or a phone, or if someone printed this out for you. Remember dittos? Remember how good they smelled right off the press. Good times. But this could be a print out, and think of how damaging this could be if you’re now going through life thinking a piece of paper is a computer and everyone laughs at you and you can’t get work so you develop a drinking problem and start selling your body for ramen noodles and eventually, get cirrhosis of the liver and die.

Yeah… absorb that outcome for a second.

There is surely a better way to describe “computer” to a 4-year-old.

Screen Shot 2014-04-03 at 11.40.32

Finally, we have the tragedy that is a clown. Clown’s have a tough enough life without

A.) Being drawn like that, and

B.) Being described like that.

Clearly the person behind the “clown” entry has had a traumatic experience with a clown.

In closing, Enchanted Learning taught me a lot. One is, that you don’t need to be an artist to do graphic design, and two, I may or may not have some deep psychological issues.

And then it was “D’s” turn…



D is for “Drunk”

Which I was Thursday. Very much so.

It’s also for “dance”, which my brain thinks I can do once alcohol is added.

You know what?

I can’t.

dance

Up next, the letter E, in case you’re unfamiliar with the standard English alphabet.

 

 

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3 responses to “C is for “Crap”, and D is for “D’oh!”

  1. “crap” and “d’oh!” – two things I say several times, daily.

    Also fitting that Metal All Stars was mentioned at the beginning, as I am sure those two things were said plenty of times that day.

  2. I’ve used enchanted learning for printouts for the kids when they were young. I never put so much thought into the graphics and information provided! This was very eye opening!

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