WANTED: Someone To Install LED Lights Into All of My Clothes

I try not to stress too much these days. That’s one of the things that comes from learning from your mistakes, aka getting older. I used to stress out ALL THE TIME over the littlest things. Sometimes I catch myself growing a bit envious of people, which always leads to stress but I’m really working on that, too.

This week, with my ever-increasing, “don’t worry too much..it will all work out somehow” attitude, I lost one job but received 3 other offers (remember, I’m a freelancer so it can be quite dry at times). I also found a solution to the Jared Leto broken phone saga that saved me the nearly $800, 600 EUR, 5200 SEK that I would have spent on a new phone if I had not taken the time to be such research whore, rather than splurging on a new piece of electronicness. Yes, that’s a word. I just made it up. Ipso facto.

While I primarily work in “heavy metal”, my roots stretch back to classical, opera, and musicals. One of the perks of this business of music that I work in, is that you meet a lot of people who wear a lot of different hats and work with a lot of different companies and artists. In other words, it’s been a long time since I’ve had to buy a ticket to a concert. Trust me, it balances itself out. It’s a necessary perk to keep us all sane.

So, when I saw there was a gig coming to town that I actually was excited to see, I put out the feelers, even though I would have paid for this if I had to. I had not one, but two people come through for me, and as a direct result, had a failsafe and was able to score gratis tickets to see Sarah Brightman last night.


I’ve been waiting a long time to see her live. Anytime she’s been through any of my current locations, I’ve been on tour.  It’s not that I hide my musical nerdom, it’s just that few people know how deep my passion for musicals, classical and opera runs.

The show was breathtaking. I had goosebumps nearly the entire time and was almost brought to tears at least twice. Even now, when I see Phantom of the Opera (which I treat myself to at least once a year in London or NYC, location pending on circumstances), when that chandelier goes up in that first scene and the organ starts with the theme song, I am a dribbling idiot. Not just teary, but full on cannot breathe, hyperventilating, uncontrollable, hysterical crying.


It moves me in a way nothing else can. So to get the chance to see the original Christine perform the theme to Phantom, as well as Time To Say Goodbye, O Mio Babbino Caro, Figlio Perduto, and Nessun Dorma, well… I almost threw up like 7 times due to emotional overflow. No lie. Proper dry heaves.

I noticed a few things during this show.

Number one: I Don’t have nearly enough LED lights in my clothes.

Actually, come to think of it, I don’t have ANY LED lights in my clothes.

You know who does?

Sarah Brightman.



I feel it is unacceptable after seeing the magnificence of what having LED lights in your dresses can do, that I do not have this in any of my dresses. Or any of my clothes for that matter. Here I am, walking around this Earth in nothing but non-LED light bearing clothes like a sucker, when THIS is a reality that I could be living. Well, sucker no more me, because I am officially hiring. If you feel that you are a skilled “putter of LED lights in clothes sewer person”, please contact me at theplayground.me@gmail.com

Don’t bother though, unless you are prepared to “wow” me with your Cosplay costume (that girl has no legs!) or Katy Perry LED dress resume. I don’t have time for anything less than star quality. I mean, honestly. Would Sarah Brightman stand for anything less?

Exactly. So why should I?

Number two: I feel I’m not wearing nearly as many head ornaments as I could be. 

How am I not ornating my head with such glorious everyday accessories like over the top tiaras and mock unicorn horns?

You know who is?

That’s right.

Sarah Brightman.

sarah3 sarah4 sarah6 sarah7

The most I have is some fake daisy like leather hair band. What am I? A peasant? How dare I not  possess at least 7 different tiaras and Statue of Liberty headdresses. Hot-Lord-Thor-from-the-movie only knows how I have managed to skate by without some sort of weird crazy wiring system coming out of my back and head all of these years. It’s pathetic, is what it is. Well pathetic me no more, because I am also currently looking to hire someone to build me many, many head ornaments to go with my new LED infested clothing. No more walking around bare headed and unlit up like some regular shmo.

wonder woman

If you feel you possess any of the skills I am currently seeking, then please send a sample of your work, along with $100 for me to review and spend.

But E. Why do I have to I have to send you $100?

Look, do you want the job or not? I don’t have time for these silly questions. I’m too busy trying to redeem whatever self-respect I have left after realizing how futile my existence without LED lights and headdresses is.

You still don’t get it?

Ugh, I can’t believe I need to explain this.

The $100 goes towards lattes and new clothes so I can retail therapy my way into understanding.

It’s for all of us. Humanity, as a whole.

Good. Now chop chop.

27 responses to “WANTED: Someone To Install LED Lights Into All of My Clothes

    • 😀
      It’s true though! I mean, I work hard for my money and should dress my head as such. How else are people to know? I’m telling you, Pixie… I’m bringing it back. Soon, we’ll all be wearing tiaras and crystal unicorn horns. There’s no class in society anymore. Have some pride, people!

      Also, hope you didn’t ruin your keyboard! 😉

    • I like the cut of your gib, soldier. You’re in. What should we call it? The LEDzzler?

      Also, I have no idea where, “I like the cut of your gib, soldier” came from. Perhaps it was in a movie I fell asleep to and it remained in my subconscious until it was needed…and it felt right to incorporate it here. Even if you’re not a soldier.

      • A long time ago, the friend of a girl I was flirting with came over to tell me the girl liked the cut of my jib.

        How could I not be smitten?

      • Yes, but I said gib.
        Which I could easily go and edit to the correct spelling that you just pointed out to me to “jib” in my comments, since it’s my blog.

        But I’m going to go ahead and leave it as a reminder to spell check words that I’m not sure about because I didn’t grow up in the thirties (I find myself saying that a lot recently, oddly enough).

        Did she call you soldier, too? And if she did, did she at least spell it wrong so that I can feel better?

      • You are more than welcome to edit mine to say gib.
        (It’s one of the few words I can spell correctly – knig of the typos, me.)

        She didn’t call me soldier, but the girl had one of the oddest names for a girl I’ve come across.
        I won’t say what it is, but I will say I was surprised to learn it.

      • Well that’s as good a reason as any, I suppose! I’ve got a bunch of those. also for boys, so if you have a boy and don’t want to name him that anyway, let me know. I’ve got you covered.
        I should write a baby name book that will come free with your purchase of the LEDzzler. A $19.99 value, yours free with purchase.

      • Throw in a coupon for something. Oh, and a link to stream an instructional video on how to most enjoy your LEDzzler!
        (Maybe LEDazzler? Or too French?)

      • I’m hoping to confuse Led Zeppelin fans with LEDzzler. You know, the whole quick reading, skipping letters, the mind sees what it wants to old ploy. Plus, if anyone wants to get all fancy (not likely in this day of acronyms a plenty), they may want to use it by it’s full name, The Light Emitting Diodezzler, and then the “-azzler” wouldn’t work.

        I like your visionary process though.
        What kind of coupon? Like buy one Big Mac get one free?
        I was thinking of throwing in a knife that can cut through a shoe.

      • I was going to go with something like a subscription to “National Geographic’s Weirdest Shoe of Africa”.
        You know, something no one will ever redeem…


        *runs to find cheap online publishing house with some cheap exotic shutterstock pictures*

      • But…but…. SHOES! And it doesn’t exist. It’s too risky with that promise. Shoe junkies like me will be all over that shit. And shoe junkies like me are the very ones who will desire the LEDzzler. That, and stoned Led Zeppelin fans, which is where the Big Mac coupon comes in.

      • We have to add $2.89 to the LEDzzler to cover those costs though.
        Will the LEDzzler sell at $8.99?
        (More, if suburbia sweatshops ever unionize!)

        (By the way, every time I type LEDzzler now, I think of the all girl Zeppelin cover band Lez Zeppelin.)
        (Must be all the z’s.)

  1. Ahahahahahaahahah thumbs up… 😀

    Since I see you are very busy I will TRY to forgive you for ignoring my request to answer questions about you on my page. Just do it fast so I can continue freely enjoy in your posts, this unresolved situation is making your writing hard to laugh to.

    • Awww, thanks for forgiving me 🙂
      It has, indeed been absolute organized chaos here and it’s all I can do to try and squeeze a post in this past week or so, but I just wrote you and I meant what i said. You are at the top of my list!!
      I hope I can continue to make you laugh in the meantime (cue puppy dog eyes).

      • Hahahahaha that’s looooow!!! Cute puppy dog eyes AND I’m on top of your list… I mean… Cutness and flattering, I must be important 😉

        Declutter your cluster fuck and come back to us. By us, I mean the secret society we are forming no one knows about. And by secret society I mean me. Btw – It is so fun swearing in English, I use “fuck” all the time, to everyone.

  2. Hiya! 😀
    I am starting my own mini challenge for my birthday (14th), I want to do something special this year since I haven’t celebrated my birthdays a few years… I would be very happy if you would join, it will run for probably 7 days and then 7 days me praising some of you who did the best in a daily challenges, pingbacks and all. 😀 I promise it will be fun. Please do join, or else this can become really sad very quickly hahahaha
    Everyone is welcome to join! 🙂 Here is the link to my blog: http://ivymosquito.wordpress.com/

  3. Primark had LED lights in the fingertips of their gloves. It’s not amazing, but in place of clothes that DON’T have them, it’s a decent substitute.

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