Things I Wish Were Never Invented

Today has been productive, actually.

I woke up to quite the flattering email from someone I have a lot of respect for in the business, which was much-needed as I usually wake up and ponder what the hell I’m doing with my life. It’s nice to have some validation that I may actually know what I’m doing and I may actually even be doing it well.

Coffee, coffee, emails, emails, emails, emails, emails, coffee, yogurt, emails, coffee, repeat.

Then… it was time for olympic hockey. When  it comes to Sweden versus Finland I’m always a bit torn. I really have allegiance to both teams as I have been living on and off in Sweden for so long, but have always cheered for Finland for as long as I can remember. It doesn’t hurt that Finland also has, for the past several Olympics, taken my favorite player Kimmo Timonen of course, from the Philadelphia Flyers (whoop-whoop!), as a welcomed prized member of their team, where Sweden on the other hand, failed to take any of my Fly-Guys. This made my allegiance a bit easier swayed.

Unfortunately, Finland couldn’t pull it off today so they’ll be facing ‘Murica in the battle for the bronze as Canadia (no typo) managed to win that game.

Canada, another team I normally hold no ill-will towards, blew it this year by not asking our captain Claude Giroux or Wayne Simmonds or Matt Read, nor any other talented Canuckians that we have on our team to represent them in this year’s olympics.

Not one.

And this goes without saying, that whatever team Cindy Crosby is on needs to lose. I love you Canada, but honestly. You know he’s a douche.

Cindy_crosby

Coffee, coffee, MEGA cleaning, dinner, emailing, and here we are.

Today’s 365 Days of Writing Prompt is:

Undo

If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

I have a long list, but will limit it to only a few.

Let’s go ahead and start with Crosby’s way of playing.

He’s a brilliant hockey player, but has zero sense of good sportsmanlike ethics. He starts fights and has one of his other teammates finish it. He is one of the whiniest, bitchiest, sneakiest, cheating players in the game. What’s worse, is there is no reason for him to be that way as his skills are practically unmatched.

I wish Cindy Crosby was never invented and I see no repercussions here.

The hockey world would find someone else to hate. The alternative is for someone to stop letting him get away with anything he wants to. That failing, someone knocking all of his teeth out so we don’t have to see that cocky smirk.

welcometophilly

(Settle down folks. I said CINDY Crosby, not Sidney Crosby. Cindy is the bitch that lives inside a great hockey player that makes everyone despise him, including his own teammates.)

I may lose a few of you here, but…

I truly wish guns were never invented. Humans, as a race, were never going to be able to handle guns. This is not a debate and I’m not trying to take your guns away from you, despite my damn hippy liberal views on things. Stricter gun laws and mandatory background checks would be wonderful, but the problem is far beyond that kind of control right now, anyway.

If guns were never invented, then people would have one less thing to argue about and one less way to kill each other. I see no repercussions with this.

As for alternatives? Well…

guns

I wish weapons of mass destruction were also never invented. I defy anyone to give me a repercussion of this.

The alternative is NO WMD.

Pretty simple, right?

Further, I wish inventing new ways to kill each other were never invented.

But then I suppose humans would have to have not been invented.

Yes, I said invented.

Onto the important stuff though.

I wish Rammstein were never invented.

The band not the air force base. Although if guns had not been invented, then maybe there would have been no need for the air force base. Oh, Hitler should also have not been invented.

Off topic.

Not really.

But back to Rammstein.

Nothing grinds my gears musically, more than this band. The so incredibly far off-key monotone vocals, in German no less, is to me, the equivalent of someone sticking a needle made of fingernails directly into my eardrum that is made of a chalkboard and then they scrape the needle made of fingernails down my eardrum that is made of a chalkboard while forcing me to chew on tinfoil.

hasselhoff

The repercussions of me saying this, could be a few upset followers, but I can’t see how them not being invented as a band would affect too many outcomes as they ripped off enough bands that someone would have figured it out. Maybe in a different language though, and hopefully in key. Sure, hundreds of thousands of people LOVE them and you might to, but these are things that I wish were never invented.

The alternative, is to listen to better music.

And to conclude this post, I wish the following haircuts had never been invented.

awful 7 200551629-005 awful2 awful3 awful4 awful6 awful8

There are zero repercussions with this. Boys can have normal long hair like they’re supposed to (yeah, that’s right). Or short, or buzzed. I don’t care, but these haircuts are NOT ok. The hairdresser that began this style should be locked in a room with Cindy Crosby and forced to listen to “Du Hast Mich” while these boys all talk to him and/or her and consistently try to flip the hair out of their face by tilting their heads to one side and trying to flick the solid mass of product drenched cement hair, that’s glued to their eyelid out of their face despite the fact that IT WILL NOT MOVE. It doesn’t matter though and it won’t stop them because they will still constantly try to flip it out of their eye(s).

Feathered hair should never look shellacked.

Oh and dudes over the age of 40 that insist on using this hairstyle as the “new comb over”?

Wow. No.

I’m all for funky haircuts. I get it. I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s. We had some serious hairstyles. And they were TERRIBLE! I’m even cool with the androgyny behind it all. I can totally dig, you guys, but these haircuts…

No.

Alternatives? Kids that are not cross-eyed by the time they are 30 BECAUSE of this haircut.

Now GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!! 

Happy funny smile face

Disclaimer:

Just in case we all forgot…you’re on MY blog and these are MY opinions and honestly…I promise it’s ok if you don’t agree with them. The world will still go on, even if you hold a different opinion to mine. 

Advertisements

28 responses to “Things I Wish Were Never Invented

  1. Fortunately, I still have my hair, so it just sits back in a ponytail.

    I didn’t realize how much you hated Rammstein until you added the chewing tinfoil bit.
    Ouch.

    • I wanted to be sure to paint a clear picture and I felt chewing on tinfoil would really nail the point in there.

      Ponytail is completely and totally acceptable. Carry on…

  2. I used to have long long hair. 18 inches at least. But now, it’s the shortest haircut of my entire life.

    Did you realize, speaking of Rammstein, that the spoken words are a pun in German? “Du hast mich” means ‘you have me’, and ‘du hasst mich’ means ‘you hate me’. Nice, huh? And the whole song is a tongue-in-cheek rejection from a man to a woman.

    They totally rip off KMFDM. Yes, they do. It’s almost actionable. If I were Sascha Konietzko, I’d consider suing.

    • I did know that as I actually speak German 😉
      18″ is a good haul. What made you cut it? Life?

      I think even before ripping of KMFDM, they both ripped off Laibach. 2 other bands I’m not overly fond of, but can tolerate much more than Rammstein.

      • Well you can take it all the way back to Kraftwerk if you want to, but I think KMFDM was the best industrial band. Besides Skinny Puppy, maybe.

        You speak German. So my comment was like a raindrop telling the ocean about wetness.

        Hair – a combination of job and putting it up all the time. Annoyance, sort of.

      • It always comes back to Kraftwerk.
        I had a very brief industrial phase. Your points are valid 🙂

        I like that YOU knew that, so I’m still glad you told me because now I don’t have to explain it to you, which is great because I wouldn’t waste my time explaining Rammstein things to you. Our time is far too valuable.

      • Like stamping a parking pass.

        So how does an American girl come to Norway to manage Icelandic dirge metal bands? Or is that somewhere on your blog and I just missed it?

      • Sweden, actually. Not Norway. So I only chose the third most expensive country that I could have, with Norway and Iceland taking the lead.

        The Icelandic band part is on the blog, but the “how does an American girl come to Sweden” bit is not. That’s not anywhere in the blog. It will remain the ultimate mystery. I will say that I floated over the pond some time ago and never looked back.

  3. Sigh. Today is not the day to hate Crosby, even if he wasn’t the one who scored. But I forgive you because you’re still my favourite. And because you said nice things about Canadia. I think we can survive this difference of opinions. The women’s game was so much more fun anyway.

    • I’m very happy you forgive me as I’d hate for us to part ways because of this as you’re also one of favorites, but come on… I don’t know of any Canadians that feel he represents the true meaning of hockey, despite his magnificent skills.
      I love Canada. I even brought a Canadian flag with me to all of the IIHF games last year and only bought tickets to the Canadian games. Was it because most of my Fly Guys were playing for Canada? Sure, but I have zero shame in cheering for Canada.
      I’m American by birth, but you can be sure that I’ll have my Finnish flag in hand for today’s game for the bronze. 🙂

      • And look at how well Finland is doing!
        It’s not that I think he embodies the game…it’s just that he sort of represents Canadian hockey these days. I honestly don’t know enough about him to have any feelings about his personality. It also may have something to do with the fact that he grew up 2 doors away from a really close friend of mine and went to school with her brother. It’s a kind of human interest connection, maybe.
        But I feel the way you feel about him when I think of soccer’s Christiano Ronaldo. HE is a cry baby. HE drives me nuts. With a passion. So I kind of get what you’re saying.

      • I really don’t know any Canadians that are proud of him. Most are ashamed of him because he IS that amazing that he does’t NEED to play dirty or whiny.
        I get the feeling of pride though, especially with the personal connection there. I just wish Canada would pick a new hockey poster child. There’s more than enough to pick from. You folks are pretty good at the hockey, eh. Congrats on the gold!
        😉

  4. *after careful thought, internal deliberations, I’ve finally decided I have to speak my mind when it comes to your opinion*

    You are right!

    Those haircuts should never have been invented!

    • Pfew!!!
      I’m glad we agree 🙂
      And again, for the record, I love Canada. As I told Silverleaf, I even bought and brought a Canadian flag to all of the IIHF Canadian games last year (it was in Stockholm and Helsinki…the Stockholm venue is a 10 minute walk from me). I have next to no patriotism for my own country. They mess up a lot.

      I wish Crosby could be from someplace else…like Russia.

  5. Pingback: Worst. Day. Ever. (since the last worst. day. ever.) | The Playground·

  6. Pingback: The Jared Leto Olympic Hockey Money Haiku | The Playground·

  7. Pingback: The Jordan Catalano Olympic Hockey Money Haiku | The Playground·

Spill your guts here:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s