I’ve been a little bummed out recently about how my blog seems to have lost its power in the past week. I have, in my opinion, written some pretty good pieces recently that have barely received a glance. I don’t know if I’m not “tagging” properly, or if a comedy piece on the new Pope reality show is not something that interests my readers or the people of Planet Blog.  My Random Tales – True  section offers some entertaining tales of some not so glamourous things that have happened to me while “living the dream” of touring with bands. My observant take on the NHL’s fashion sense got only 1 “like”. Really???  My funny and informative fencing post only gained the attention of my fellow HEMA members, via Facebook, but barely a glance here on WordPress. This stuff is GOLDEN, people!

It seems the only posts getting any real attention are my amateur photography section, and my recipes, that join deliciousness with humor. Even my Gawkers post generated some attention and got me 10 followers in a day, but in fairness, that was still about food and photography, so there you go.  While I’m super happy about this, it seems I may have lost some of you in the past week. This is counter-productive to my plan of becoming a rich and famous blogger in a completely realistic 6-month time frame, so that I can buy a lot of incredibly expensive shoes that I don’t need like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex In The City. Come on people, work with me here! Are people really only interested in photography and cooking?

But last night, I checked my blog’s statistics. I find Search Engine Terms stats fascinating and this is what I found last night:

Yes folks… that says “my ass is getten cooked”.

I wondered a few things when I read this. Obviously, being a bit of a grammar and spelling nazi, I wondered how someone could misspell even the slang version of getting, which would be gettin’ or the even lazier version still, gettin, both of which physically hurt me right now to type. To consciously type getten worries me. It couldn’t have been a typo because the “i” and “e” keys aren’t even remotely close on any keyboard. To me, this signifies that this is genuinely how someone thought that this, already incorrect version of the word, was spelled.

After I analyzed the downfall of society and pondered the future of the human race, I then wondered what this person could have been searching for, to prompt him/her to type the phrase “my ass is getten cooked” into Google Search. Could they have been looking for a high UV protector sunscreen? Perhaps this person happened to find themselves sitting on a hot stove. Clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer based on their spelling skills, maybe this person panicked and quickly typed into their smart phone… the one with the brain in this scenario, “my ass is getten cooked” to find out what the phone and interweb suggests they do in this conundrum.

Eventually, my curiosity got the best of me, and I typed “my ass is getten cooked” into my trusty Google Search bar. I was not expecting what I saw.

There it was. The link to MY blog post at the top of a google search. Do I find it super odd and minutely insulting that a misspelled, extremely curious Google Search led this person to my blog about cooking a healthy meal while getting ready to go out on the town? I sure do. But, what supersedes that puzzle, is the fact that something that I wrote was the number one hit on a Google Search!

In hindsight, yes, it’s obvious why my post came up first, given those particular words, and one non-word, that were typed into the search bar of a person’s interweb device who was clearly in distress while their backside was ablaze. My ass, cook, and GETTING were the key to this. But does any of that really matter?

The answer is a resounding NO. Because the point is, that MY post was number one in a search.

Number one.

And to me, that is one step closer to buying a pair of shoes I will probably never wear, but will buy anyway, because I can.